There’s not a lot to life. You’re born, you exist with other sub-creatures, and then you die. There’s really nothing you can do to break the circle. I mean, there isn’t a person alive that isn’t going to die. There is no way you can survive without other living things. Life is really short. You live for sixty to eighty years in an unforgiving world, and you’re buried like you never meant anything to anybody. Life’s a cunt, then you eat it. You should live life doing what you want to do, instead of what THEY want you to do. Obey your fucking heart, not the goddamn government.
Anarchy is no way to live life, just know that I realize that if there is no government at all, then there is gonna be crime hemorrhaging all over the place. I don’t want crime, I just want the government to be a little more forgiving. To stop being so hypocritical, and make it so if someone wants to do something, you’re not going to stop them. Murder, rape, shit like that yes stop it. But that means you have to stop going to war over oil, thanks.
The government kills people that kill people to say that killing people is bad.
Yeah…that makes a lot of fucking sense.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Chapter 3
School is another example of propaganda fueled education. Just like television. Half of the what they teach you in any given class is either completely wrong, has some sort of loophole to where it’s ‘not a lie’, or is biased. History is a prime example of this. They don’t tell the political part of Hitler’s mind; only he wanted to kill off the ‘imperfections’. He actually had some real good ideas, but nobody cares about that shit. They need to stop dwelling on some shit. Look forward. I do believe in teaching history, though. Just don’t do a half-assed job of it. I mean, if you’re gonna teach a bunch of kids what mistakes not to make, then you may as well try to tell them what is /good/ to do. Instead you let them watch television and only tell them half the facts, and expect them to be the future presidents, lawyers, shit like that. It makes no fucking sense.
It sounds bad, but sitting in my first period history, I ignored the hell out of the goddamned teacher. I was more focused on the back of Aaron’s head. We only had one class together, which may or may not be a good thing.
I reached up to pet his pretty black hair, all nice and silky. It was something to do, and it was one of Aaron’s weaknesses. He loved to be touched, even in a sexual way you could touch him. He just loved the attention.
Bad thing about Aaron is he was abused as a kid. Like, every fucking way possible. Now he thinks to make people happy he has to be all adorable and submissive and rape-able. If it weren’t for the fact that the world thought that I was either asexual or painfully straight stopped me from being with him. It was more for Aaron’s sake than my own. I didn’t care if they made fun of me, but Aaron was a people pleaser, and even if I told him I was gay, he probably wouldn’t go out with me.
I’m still not sure if I’m gay, though.
I played with the boy’s hair that whole class, and Mrs. Lewinski didn’t say a word.
It sounds bad, but sitting in my first period history, I ignored the hell out of the goddamned teacher. I was more focused on the back of Aaron’s head. We only had one class together, which may or may not be a good thing.
I reached up to pet his pretty black hair, all nice and silky. It was something to do, and it was one of Aaron’s weaknesses. He loved to be touched, even in a sexual way you could touch him. He just loved the attention.
Bad thing about Aaron is he was abused as a kid. Like, every fucking way possible. Now he thinks to make people happy he has to be all adorable and submissive and rape-able. If it weren’t for the fact that the world thought that I was either asexual or painfully straight stopped me from being with him. It was more for Aaron’s sake than my own. I didn’t care if they made fun of me, but Aaron was a people pleaser, and even if I told him I was gay, he probably wouldn’t go out with me.
I’m still not sure if I’m gay, though.
I played with the boy’s hair that whole class, and Mrs. Lewinski didn’t say a word.
Chapter 2
This was a new thing for me. Not knowing how I felt about something, that doesn’t work. I always know how I feel about everyone, everything. I always have a set opinion of everything.
“Aaron…” I whispered, rubbing my nose on the boy’s neck just to pick on him. “I know this sounds odd, but am I at all attractive to you at all?”
Aaron made an odd noise, but shook his head. “No, Daemon…”
I bit my tongue, I was going to ask why, or if it was because of my hair, or anything. But I didn’t. I just got all cold and stayed still. It was okay, really. I could deal with disappointment. I have before. This wasn’t any different. “Do you love me?” I whispered. There were only three people on the bus: me, Aaron, and some creepy poser Goth kid with his head in a bulky pair of head phones. Most days Aaron didn’t ride the bus, though. This is why I was so excited to sit next to him. I don’t get excited, just keep that in your brain, Daemon Everest Cade doesn’t get excited.
“Of course I do! More than the world.” He answered, and somehow it just seemed true.
“Just not like that?”
“I dunno!”
Okay, so he didn’t know. I can work with that, I can help it go from platonic to atomic.
The bus stopped for a group of six or seven kids, and the boy let go of his friend and pulled his knees to his chest after the boy had sat up. Some how, I was expecting a lot more from the boy. Like at least a maybe. Or better yet, a YES MARRY ME. But I should have known. I’ve never been very…easy on the eyes. Not that I’m ugly, not really. Just to most people I’m probably gross or something. Who knows? Maybe it had to do with my personality? Shit.
“Aaron…how’d you figure it out?” I couldn’t help but be a curious little fuck. I was trying to figure it all out myself, remember?
“I dunno. I just kind of, got a crush on a boy, and then I let it get serious.”
“You mean you like…fucked him!?”
“Well, I let the crush develop. He doesn’t know I like him. I actually think he’s straight.
That could have been anyone.
The whole world is straight, right?
“Aaron…” I whispered, rubbing my nose on the boy’s neck just to pick on him. “I know this sounds odd, but am I at all attractive to you at all?”
Aaron made an odd noise, but shook his head. “No, Daemon…”
I bit my tongue, I was going to ask why, or if it was because of my hair, or anything. But I didn’t. I just got all cold and stayed still. It was okay, really. I could deal with disappointment. I have before. This wasn’t any different. “Do you love me?” I whispered. There were only three people on the bus: me, Aaron, and some creepy poser Goth kid with his head in a bulky pair of head phones. Most days Aaron didn’t ride the bus, though. This is why I was so excited to sit next to him. I don’t get excited, just keep that in your brain, Daemon Everest Cade doesn’t get excited.
“Of course I do! More than the world.” He answered, and somehow it just seemed true.
“Just not like that?”
“I dunno!”
Okay, so he didn’t know. I can work with that, I can help it go from platonic to atomic.
The bus stopped for a group of six or seven kids, and the boy let go of his friend and pulled his knees to his chest after the boy had sat up. Some how, I was expecting a lot more from the boy. Like at least a maybe. Or better yet, a YES MARRY ME. But I should have known. I’ve never been very…easy on the eyes. Not that I’m ugly, not really. Just to most people I’m probably gross or something. Who knows? Maybe it had to do with my personality? Shit.
“Aaron…how’d you figure it out?” I couldn’t help but be a curious little fuck. I was trying to figure it all out myself, remember?
“I dunno. I just kind of, got a crush on a boy, and then I let it get serious.”
“You mean you like…fucked him!?”
“Well, I let the crush develop. He doesn’t know I like him. I actually think he’s straight.
That could have been anyone.
The whole world is straight, right?
Chapter 1
Story of my goddamned life. I wake up all nice and refreshed and go to get a cup of fucking coffee and I spill boiling water my crotch. That’s a helluva nice good morning, really. I wish I could wake up to that every fucking day.
I’m still in high school, and I’m probably the only kid in Main High School that doesn’t give a damn what people think. I mean, if it weren’t against the law I’d probably go naked, just to prove a point. I’m not afraid of doing illegal things, but nudity really isn’t something you can hide. You can hide drugs and even drunkenness if you tried. But stupidity and nudity are two things you can’t keep from people. Even if you’re going to take a shower, your little brother has to come in and stare at your dick before you can slam the door on his nose.
Siblings, for chrissake.
Around X-town, you get a lot of crazy characters. Like the man across from my house sits in his front yard and plays tea party like a little girl. He tells you to call him Hatty. What the hell? The man is probably eighty years old and is half naked all the time. His signature though, is sitting out there in a thong and his big-ass hat. Senile old man has no idea how gross that is. He thinks he’s a 23 year old lingerie model or something.
The bus! Oh, shit. Drop. Everything. And. Run. That’s my routine right there. Whatever I’m in the middle of doing has to stop, and wait till later so I can catch up to the bus. It knows my routine, and generally will wait longer for me than anyone else. I mean, I only ride the bus because I’m poor. Well, my family is. I shopped at Goodwill when Abercrombie & Fitch was the shit. What kind of odd-end luck was that? But, as I said, I generally don’t care what people think. To me, Abercrombie is just another corporate American scheme to con people out of their hard-earned money for overpriced polos and Henleys. Starbucks is the same way. It’s just coffee. Yeah, woo a trendy white cup. That’s what would make me want a cup of 4 dollar coffee. I could buy a 1/3 of a pound of coffee for that, thanks.
So I climbed on the bus, sat in the first empty-ish seat I could find. This meant—for once—I could sit next to Aaron. Fuck yeah.
“Hey man…” I said, sliding onto the seat. The boy wasn’t very loud, and cared about what everyone thought of him, unlike me. But I actually thought he was the best thing ever. Something was just overly adorable about him, and it made me want to squeeze him until he couldn’t breathe or something.
But today, something was different about him. Instead of his usual meek “hey”, I got a full blown. “Daemon!” and a bear hug, plus a short kiss on the cheek. Was he on meth?
Though it was oddly odd, I turned to hug him back, at which point he leaned into me and was positively being a snuggle-bear.
“Damn, Aaron, you’re happy!” I grinned, not wanting to let go of him, and visa versa.
He sat up for a moment, whispering in my ear, “I told my parents I’m gay!”
If I was completely insane I would have jumped away to another seat. Or was that sane? “I didn’t know that about you!” I said as softly as I could. That might explain why he was so…shy all the time; like he was embarrassed for anyone to know about it. If you knew his true personality, he was quite the flamboyant little kitten. I just kept holding him. That was the funny part.
I never really thought about my sexuality until I found out about Aaron. Then I started questioning if I were straight, bi, gay even. Aaron had always been in my life, and I’d always—to be blunt—wanted to fuck him so hard his nose bled. But I didn’t think of it as being gay. No girls were ever attractive, though. And it wasn’t just any boy. Just Aaron.
I’m still in high school, and I’m probably the only kid in Main High School that doesn’t give a damn what people think. I mean, if it weren’t against the law I’d probably go naked, just to prove a point. I’m not afraid of doing illegal things, but nudity really isn’t something you can hide. You can hide drugs and even drunkenness if you tried. But stupidity and nudity are two things you can’t keep from people. Even if you’re going to take a shower, your little brother has to come in and stare at your dick before you can slam the door on his nose.
Siblings, for chrissake.
Around X-town, you get a lot of crazy characters. Like the man across from my house sits in his front yard and plays tea party like a little girl. He tells you to call him Hatty. What the hell? The man is probably eighty years old and is half naked all the time. His signature though, is sitting out there in a thong and his big-ass hat. Senile old man has no idea how gross that is. He thinks he’s a 23 year old lingerie model or something.
The bus! Oh, shit. Drop. Everything. And. Run. That’s my routine right there. Whatever I’m in the middle of doing has to stop, and wait till later so I can catch up to the bus. It knows my routine, and generally will wait longer for me than anyone else. I mean, I only ride the bus because I’m poor. Well, my family is. I shopped at Goodwill when Abercrombie & Fitch was the shit. What kind of odd-end luck was that? But, as I said, I generally don’t care what people think. To me, Abercrombie is just another corporate American scheme to con people out of their hard-earned money for overpriced polos and Henleys. Starbucks is the same way. It’s just coffee. Yeah, woo a trendy white cup. That’s what would make me want a cup of 4 dollar coffee. I could buy a 1/3 of a pound of coffee for that, thanks.
So I climbed on the bus, sat in the first empty-ish seat I could find. This meant—for once—I could sit next to Aaron. Fuck yeah.
“Hey man…” I said, sliding onto the seat. The boy wasn’t very loud, and cared about what everyone thought of him, unlike me. But I actually thought he was the best thing ever. Something was just overly adorable about him, and it made me want to squeeze him until he couldn’t breathe or something.
But today, something was different about him. Instead of his usual meek “hey”, I got a full blown. “Daemon!” and a bear hug, plus a short kiss on the cheek. Was he on meth?
Though it was oddly odd, I turned to hug him back, at which point he leaned into me and was positively being a snuggle-bear.
“Damn, Aaron, you’re happy!” I grinned, not wanting to let go of him, and visa versa.
He sat up for a moment, whispering in my ear, “I told my parents I’m gay!”
If I was completely insane I would have jumped away to another seat. Or was that sane? “I didn’t know that about you!” I said as softly as I could. That might explain why he was so…shy all the time; like he was embarrassed for anyone to know about it. If you knew his true personality, he was quite the flamboyant little kitten. I just kept holding him. That was the funny part.
I never really thought about my sexuality until I found out about Aaron. Then I started questioning if I were straight, bi, gay even. Aaron had always been in my life, and I’d always—to be blunt—wanted to fuck him so hard his nose bled. But I didn’t think of it as being gay. No girls were ever attractive, though. And it wasn’t just any boy. Just Aaron.
Prologue
We’re all playthings of the Great Sadist. Some are slaves. Some are nonbelievers. Some just don’t pay attention. Some are just loyal followers.
I fit in the second category.
The Great Sadist is my little Pet Name for God. I don’t understand people that do believe. They believe in democracy, too right? Then why the hell is it that one person can tell them that if they find someone of the same sex attractive that they will burn in a lake of fire for all eternity? And that’s after their already dead? Isn’t it that if you’re dead, you’re worm food? Or just ashes in an urn? Maybe it’s only me that finds all of this somehow hypocritical.
I mean, we’re just little specks, not even an atom in the universe. And truly, how do we know we’re not just a little neutron making up an atom in the make up of one guy’s pubic hair?
We fucking don’t.
I fit in the second category.
The Great Sadist is my little Pet Name for God. I don’t understand people that do believe. They believe in democracy, too right? Then why the hell is it that one person can tell them that if they find someone of the same sex attractive that they will burn in a lake of fire for all eternity? And that’s after their already dead? Isn’t it that if you’re dead, you’re worm food? Or just ashes in an urn? Maybe it’s only me that finds all of this somehow hypocritical.
I mean, we’re just little specks, not even an atom in the universe. And truly, how do we know we’re not just a little neutron making up an atom in the make up of one guy’s pubic hair?
We fucking don’t.