Chapter 6:

So we walked for once. From school to Aaron’s in about ten minutes. Ten minutes of Aaron looking all worried, and talking about how this guy he liked was so much more different than he was, but that’s what was so attractive. He said they were friends and he didn’t want to make the friendship die over a silly crush. I listened—I’m his outlet for emotion. It’s what I do for him. I actually do a lot more for him than I do for me. I’ll cuddle with the boy forever if that’s what he needs to feel better, and he’ll do the same for me. The boy will listen to me rant about politics, and actually pick up on what I’m saying. It’s amazing. I love the boy so fucking much.

We were now up in his room, I was sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall, and he was sitting in my lap, clinging to me and just getting through with his crying spell. “Aaron, man, I gotta tell you something.” I said, petting his hair as I held him close to me. An unlit cigarette was set in the corner of my mouth, just as something to do with it. “I dunno if you’ll freak out or not, so brace yourself…”

Aaron gave me those eyes, the eyes that said it didn’t matter; he was still my best—and only—friend.

“Aaron, you’ve been talking about this guy all day, and to tell to be honest, I’m getting jealous. To tell the truth, honey, I love you…”

Aaron paused for a second, and then laughed. He fucking laughed at me! I got angry before I even tried to let him speak. I pushed him away and I fucking left him. Just as easy as I had told him, I was gone from his life. I doubted I’d ever talk to him again. I mean, for the first time in my life I was feeling a fucking emotion, and he laughs.

Goddamn I’m just a worthless piece of shit aren’t I?